Special Offers

An Epic Drinking Song for Alisha, who is born and raised in Calgary (a rare breed apparently…). Her hobbies include travelling around the world, photography, and making handmade crafts (then selling them) – including wine charms.

Alisha was at the airport
Ready for her flight
She was travelling to Europe
The trip would take all night

The agent saw her passport
“In Calgary you’re born?”
“I’m sorry you can’t leave, dear.”
“We’re afraid you won’t return.”

“So few are ever born here”
“They all come from out east”
“You’re an endangered species”
“At the very least!”

Alisha said, “I’ll come back”
“It’s only a week-long trip.”
But the agent wouldn’t hear it
Not a word from Alisha’s lips

Alisha reached in her pocket
For a gold homemade wine charm
That dazzled the gate agent
And flew to Europe without harm

So when you meet somebody
Who causes you alarm
If you find that nothing else will work
Try to use your charm

Want an Epic Drinking Song for yourself or a friend? Just post a picture of the fun, fast-paced mystery ‘Rum Luck’ in its native habitat. Click here to learn more.

Here’s an Epic Drinking Song for Mike, who likes nature, playing guitar, and fancy wines, Coke, bourbon or pretty well any other beverage.

(Based on a true story.)

Oh once there was a man named Mike
He travelled to Gili Air –
An island in the Pacific
And oh, what happened there?

He showed up on the beach one night
The fishermen were drinkin’
Mike said, “I’ve got a plan for you
Now here is what I’m thinkin’…”

“We’ve got to get the sauce just right
We’ll mash up all those roots
And then we’ll have a meal to pair
With your tasty local hooch”

Next day Mike could not be found
So his friends went out in search
But they could not find him
They feared he was in the lurch

But then they heard the music
Of guitar, pretty as you’d like
The fisherman gathered round ‘im
Eating a dish they call ‘The Mike’.

So let this be a lesson
For those with strange pursuits
If you find yourself with strangers
Always stay true to your roots

Want an Epic Drinking Song for yourself or a friend? Just post a picture of the fun, fast-paced mystery ‘Rum Luck’ in its native habitat. Click here to learn more.

Here’s an Epic Drinking Song for June, who took the picture backstage at the Elizabeth Bader Centre for the Performing Arts (and who borrowed the book from her friend Seb).

Oh, once there was a girl named June
Her friend Seb had a book
June thought it looked amazing
She had to have a look

June took it home late one night
And cracked a box of wine
She woke up with a pounding head
The clock said half past nine

June said, “Where’d I leave it?”
Seb wanted it for later
And in a fog June realized
She’d lent it to Liz Bader

She asked Mrs. Bader, “Please,
I’m asking with all my heart.”
And Liz replied, “Well, maybe…
In trade for a work of art.”

So June she made a masterpiece
Out of old cardboard
And Liz, she gladly tossed the piece
Atop of her art hoard.

Want your own Epic Drinking Song? Click here to learn more.

An Epic Drinking Song for Emily, who likes rum and cokes and watching Netflix, and who took this picture while on holiday.

Emily went on holiday
She was having lots of fun
She got herself a rum and coke
That’s when the trouble begun

For she was reading Rum Luck
When a pirate came ashore
He said, “If you’re drinking rum and reading rum
You’re the woman I adore.”

So the pirate captured Emily
And took her on his sailing ship
He said, “You’ll learn to love me
On our year-long pirating trip.”

Emily, she hatched a plan
And said, “I’ll go with you
Only if you share my interests.”
He said, “Tell me what to do.”

She introduced him to Netflix
And he gave up the skull and bones
‘Cause it’s tough to capture other ships
When you’re watching Jessica Jones

So let that be a lesson
To everyone you know
The best way to stop pirates is
Low-cost streaming video.

Want an Epic Drinking Song of your own? Click here to learn more!

This one for Sabrina from Edmonton, who likes Caesars, decorating, and posting on Instagram.

Oh, it was just past two am
And Sabrina, drink in hand
Had finished posting all her pics of
Throw pillows on Instagram

To celebrate the launch of ‘Rum Luck’, I’ll be authoring Epic Drinking Songs for readers throughout the month of July. All you need to do is take a picture of your copy of ‘Rum Luck’ – eBook or physical – and either e-mail it to me at ryan.aldred@gmail.com or post it to social media with the tag #RumLuck. Please include the name of the Epic Drinker and a few facts about them. (Eg. Where they live, favourite drink, etc.)

‘Rum Luck’ is a humorous mystery in which Canadian tourist Ben Cooper wakes up in a Costa Rican prison cell to find he’s bought a bar on a beach and been arrested for murder – is now available for purchase in eBook and hardcover.

Here’s an example of an Epic Drinking Song:

From Kristin: I want the Ballad about me! haha! Born in Saskatchewan, Live at the beach (Regina Beach), I like Gin, I make pots… And the photo is my favorite corner on my deck, friday afternoon, comfy chair, gin and tonic…

And here is Kristin’s Song:

Oh, Kristin had a long week
In Saskatchewan
She said, “I think I need a gin.”
Wayne said, “I’ll get ya one.”

Regina Beach had been too cold
And the pot she’d made had broke
So she took a big ol’ swig
But began to cough and choke

She looked inside her mug and saw
Stones of different blues
She asked Wayne, “What gives here?
What are you trying to do?”

He said, “My dear you asked for gin.
This one’s on the rocks.
You drank it that way all last night.
That’s thinking outside the box.”

And then Kirstin remembered
She’d loved that pot so much
So when the darn thing broke apart
Her poor heart had been crushed

She’d put the shards in the freezer
To keep her drink ice cold
So that’s the way she drinks her gin
(And carefully, so I’m told.)

Drinking Songs will be at least 8 lines long, but may be much longer if inspiration strikes. I’ll be posting them on my facebook page and on twitter throughout the month.

Let the Epicness begin!