June, 2016:

Here’s an Epic Drinking Song for June, who took the picture backstage at the Elizabeth Bader Centre for the Performing Arts (and who borrowed the book from her friend Seb).

Oh, once there was a girl named June
Her friend Seb had a book
June thought it looked amazing
She had to have a look

June took it home late one night
And cracked a box of wine
She woke up with a pounding head
The clock said half past nine

June said, “Where’d I leave it?”
Seb wanted it for later
And in a fog June realized
She’d lent it to Liz Bader

She asked Mrs. Bader, “Please,
I’m asking with all my heart.”
And Liz replied, “Well, maybe…
In trade for a work of art.”

So June she made a masterpiece
Out of old cardboard
And Liz, she gladly tossed the piece
Atop of her art hoard.

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An Epic Drinking Song for Emily, who likes rum and cokes and watching Netflix, and who took this picture while on holiday.

Emily went on holiday
She was having lots of fun
She got herself a rum and coke
That’s when the trouble begun

For she was reading Rum Luck
When a pirate came ashore
He said, “If you’re drinking rum and reading rum
You’re the woman I adore.”

So the pirate captured Emily
And took her on his sailing ship
He said, “You’ll learn to love me
On our year-long pirating trip.”

Emily, she hatched a plan
And said, “I’ll go with you
Only if you share my interests.”
He said, “Tell me what to do.”

She introduced him to Netflix
And he gave up the skull and bones
‘Cause it’s tough to capture other ships
When you’re watching Jessica Jones

So let that be a lesson
To everyone you know
The best way to stop pirates is
Low-cost streaming video.

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This one for Sabrina from Edmonton, who likes Caesars, decorating, and posting on Instagram.

Oh, it was just past two am
And Sabrina, drink in hand
Had finished posting all her pics of
Throw pillows on Instagram